People are shocked when they are faced with feelings of fear, regret, guilt, anger and depression. There is no right way to grieve the loss of a marriage. Each person will react differently. The length of mourning can also vary depending on the length of the relationship. It is best to find support from trusted friends and a counsellor. The counsellor is only there to give you advice on your emotional support. They are not there to refer you to lawyers or give you financial or legal advice. Go with your gut when you meet your counsellor. If you do not connect with the person, then find someone more compatible.
While you are experiencing these emotions, you also have to deal with financial and legal matters. From my experience the best way to find sound legal advice is through word of mouth. That is by asking your friends and work colleagues if they know of any good solicitors or lawyers. If you cannot find any referrals through this means, then contact an organisation who can recommend one. There are women centres and legal aid centres that can provide advice or
recommendations free of charge.
Once you meet with your lawyer, follow your gut instinct. If you do not feel it is the right person then find someone else. Bring a trusted friend with you for support. While emotionally you might be going through a confusing and tough time, your feelings are still ‘working’. If you experience negative or bad feelings during the meeting with the lawyer, then find a legal representative who is more compatible. You have to trust and feel comfortable with the person who will be managing your case. In some cases the first meeting is free and you can clarify this when you make the initial appointment.
The same advice goes for everyone that you meet during your divorce and in life generally. If you feel there is something not quite right about the person and your stomach starts to ‘churn’, then it is a sign that you need to walk away from this individual. We all have an inner voice that tells us when something is not right, so do not second guess it…listen to it. Many people do not want to hurt the other person’s feeling so they stay out of ‘politeness’. This can lead to all sorts of problems and issues down the track. Do you think that these people are thinking about your welfare? Do they have your best interests at heart? The answer is no, so get up, make your excuse and get out of there. Believe me when I say that your 5 minutes of feeling bad is worth days, weeks and possibly years of regretting that you should have walked away after your first meeting.
A divorce or relationship break up is one of the toughest periods of your life. Nothing can prepare you for the experience. However, you will find that as time moves on, you can become a happier person. The key is to let go of all the anger and regrets related to that period. Constantly thinking about your past is not going to change it. It will only make you bitter, depressed and miserable. Life can return to ‘normal’ and you may eventually even meet someone who is more compatible. Alternatively you may discover that remaining single is a better option for you. Whatever decision you do make, realise that the future is a blank canvas. The choice is in your hands, so why not make the decision to be happy and enjoy your life now.